Antarctica Campaign Session 12: The Most Eligible Bachelorette of Guanea
Players
- Dr. Xixili Esgrima the Psychoanalyst (Idraluna)
- The Weedian (Mistuh)
- Josu Allorca the Armsman (EvilTables)
- Duchess the Giant Guinea Pig (draft animal)
- The Professor Emeritus Multiplicar duBoig (NPC)
- Sabino, urchin from Prelos, follower of the Weedian (NPC)
Summary
While staying in the vine-encrusted aetheric fortress of the Princely Offspring Azalurdina, the group did the following downtime actions.
- Dr. Xixili Esgrima recuperated, ever so slightly, from their wounds suffered during the Eskua game at Fort Udintu
- Josu Allorca joined the Iguana-Men, guarding the aetheric fortress of the strange Princely Offspring
- The Weedian, running low on doses of Martian Weed, followed the smoke, finding a field of Red Stank, gathering more to sustain themselves, as well as an urchin following them, named Sabino, who ran from a village the Weedian passed by.
- Finally, the Professor duBoig got a bit punchy, breaking a hand and leaving with some decent bruises, assaulting an Iguana Man guard, accusing them of theft of his notes. The Professor is paying Xixili 25gp/day to write for him, given his broken hand.
The group, now under the geas imposed by the Princely Offspring to prevent the Gluttonous Arkmagi Asmithe Vollusc from drawing out The One Who Stands Apart from underneath the First City of Heriotza, pack up their Builder Knife root flour, descending from the aetheric fortress, southward in search of the trail of devastation left in the wake of the Arkmagi.
Upon the plain, at the horizon’s mark, metallic white cubes shimmer in the dry sun. The group travels southward, coming across thousands of apiaries dotting the peripheries, guarded by armsmen wearing silver bells who follow the traveling caravan. Hundreds of blue flags snap in the wind upon their approach to the city-state.

Dr. Xixili waves down an armsman, asking if they know of this Arkmagi. The armsman speaks of tales of ruin left in the wake: a strip of ash, rotten vegetation, and swarms of flies, as made by a corrosive slug's trail. The armsman, however, has only heard tales, and because of the great pomp and circumstance around the Princely Offspring’s Proclamation Day, the city has been preoccupied with that.
Xixili inquires about a Scholar’s Tower; the armsman knows not such a place, and welcomes them to the City of Guanea, the finest in all the Shrublands.
The group proceeds forth into the city, finding it butting against the river; many ships and boats dock upon the wide river banks to the east. Travellers from all over the Shrublands, Axolittians, and Pigeon People selling their various wares across a grand road; all breeds of zebra and horse, scented woods, refined sugar, herbal aphrodisiacs, dried mushrooms, and bottled dreams even!
The group makes their way to a central plaza. An elaborate "game-show style host" stands upon a stage in the town square. Pomp and circumstance abounds. Cannonades shoot explosions of flowers over the wooing crowd.
Amongst this hullabaloo, Guanea's most eligible bachelorette, a heap of buckles and elaborate furs, Idoia Concerto-Artea, is tracked on a prominent viso-screen in the town square. Her eligibility is much desired amongst the populace of Guanea and beyond.

Her decision is to be publicly declared at the Proclamation Day Cotillion & Feast in three days.
The group immediately decides to enter the competition; Josu gifts her his stolen Big Ear fungi and speaks of his prowess in javelin throwing, attempting to impress Lady Idoia, who suggests a competition against Bagaglio Itsaso, another suitor.
The Weedian produces joints of Martian Weed which are intercepted by Lady Idoia’s lady-in-waiting. Xixili introduces himself as a doctor and psychoanalyzes Lady Idoia, asking her to imagine herself in an aetheric locomobile overlooking the city.
It seems that Mrs. Cosmonauta is more interested in Dr. Esgrima than Lady Idoia is. Interesting, and most shockingly, Dr. Xixili learns that Lady Idoia’s own brother, Giorro, competes for the hand in marriage of his own sister!
Lady Idoia suggests turning his strange “mind medicine” upon her fiery-tempered brother, Giorro, and glibly says Xixili reminds her of the pedantic Horno, another suitor.
Both Josu and Xixili receive a calling card of the Lady Idoia from Acrobatie Cosmonauta. While speaking with Lady Idoia, it seems the Professor duBoig has disappeared into the City of Guanea, much to the group’s dismay given the track record of the Professor’s exploits.
Learning of Mofka Topiary, purveyor of parchment and vellum, during their encounter with Lady Idoia, they head to his shop to buy paper and blank journals for their monographs.
Xixili buys a blank purple book for 10gp after raising a fuss, while Josu asks Mr. Topiary to teach him to read, 3cp per 100 words, hoping to impress Lady Idoia beyond his physical talents.
The group decides to walk the riverside promenade, attempting to find Bagaglio Itsaso, one of the three top bachelors, so Josu can formally challenge the man to a javelin-throwing competition.
During their stroll upon Apple Lane, they are accosted by a delusional man bearing green stains around their mouth, asking for change. The group gives the man 5gp and eventually finds Bagalio’s three-story rowhome along the river promenade.
Knocking upon the door, they are greeted by a Pigeon Butler, a Mr. Windup, and twenty hunting hounds. The butler asks who is calling and for a card. Dr. Xixili writes his name upon a blank piece of paper and gives into the Butler.
After a spell, the group is beckoned inside and is granted an audience with the lantern-jawed shipwright Bagaglio, who serves the grass whiskey and the Weedian’s choice of “Cordillerian Mist”.
Josu and Bagaglio speak of the beauty of Lady Idoia and the goings-on of the City, but the mood sours as Bagaglio learns of Josu’s attempts to woo the Lady for himself. The tension is cut, however, with swift bangs on the door. It seems that Giorro, Idoia’s brother, is at the door, challenging Bagaglio, cavalry saber drawn.
The Weedian pushes themself in between Bagaglio, the twenty hounds, and the bicorned Giorro, expelling a cloud of red smoke. However, the deft swordsman Giorro dodges out of the way back out into the street of Apple Lane, absconding and speaking of telling his father about Bagaglio’s perfidious nature.
The intrigue of Guanea, the impending proclamation day, and the geas of the Princely Offspring draw our adventurers in many directions, and with only three days left before the Cotillion, who will earn the hand of Guanea’s most eligible bachelorette!
Aftermath
Treasure Found:
- 100gp given by Professor duBoig for escorting him to the City of Guanea
- 25gp/day given by Professor duBoig to Xixili for writing for the Professor, given his broken hand
Foes Encountered:
- Green Choker Addict
- Giorro Concerto-Artea, Brother of Idoia Concerto-Artea
Rumors:
- Princely Offspring's Proclamation Day in Guanea is in three days. It seems the festivities have lasted a month so far.
- Guanea is holding a city-wide bachelorette competition for the hand of Idoia Concerto-Artrea.
- The winner of the competition receives a seat on the Mercantyler's Guild, a large cash prize of 5,000gp, one jar of Guanean honey, and Idoia Concerto-Artea's hand in marriage.
- Three bachelors currently vie for her affections: the serious shipwright Bagaglio Itsaso with his twenty hunting hounds, the haute and pedantic town clerk Horno Pedir, and the squat, humble poultry-keeper Mojado van Proverbio.
- Idoia's lady-in-waiting, the buxom and vivacious Acrobatie Cosmonauta, plays the intermediary between Idoia and her suitors.
- Guanea has a large port, as its allow an river. Many prahu lie docked.
- Guanea is ruled over by a Mercantyler’s Guild consisting of various gentile trade families.
- Green Choker Addicts are becoming more prominent on Apple Lane, a promenade next to the river.
- There are avian-folk present in Guanea!
Deaths:
- N/A
XP Awarded:
- 33xp / per player for escorting duBoig to the City-State of Guanea
Notes
- The Professor duBoig disappeared in Guanea after the three players enrolled in the competition.
- Sabino, a follower of the Weedian, is a 1HD torchbearer from the village of Prelos
- Mofka Topiary, parchment and vellum merchant, sold a blank purple book for 10gp to Xixili and will teach 100 words per 3cp to Josu Allorca. I used Basic Fantasy’s Equipment Emporium for the book and Swyvers for pricing regarding literacy.
- Asmith Vollusc has a mutant army of 240
- 80 “footmen”
- 70 “archers”
- 50 “l. cav”
- Bagaglio Itsaso’s pigeon butler is named Mr. Windup. A trick of bibliomancy with Joyce’s Finnegans Wake
- Multiple Eskua courts exist in Guanea. Hopefully the group ends up playing another game or two, after Esgrima heals up!
- My GM binder I’ve put together for a forthcoming game entitled Citizens, was put into use for the city of Guanea. Made using bits from Into the Odd, Swyvers, Magical Industrial Revolution, TEETH, and more.
