Some Ultra Vanilla Fantasy

17 Jul, 2026

A slush pile of concepts from questions I had from reading through the 1974 Original Dungeon and Dragons book. This is a living blog post.

A Pantheon

Simetra the Mother of Animals

The Mother of Animals, Raiser of Children, Huntress of the Stag. Fecundity of Nature

Sacred Symbol:  The deer, hunting dog, bow & arrow. A maiden huntress, young, tall, and slim, clothed in a girl's short skirt & silver bow, followed by a retinue of dryads

Wernero the Scribe and Record Keeper

The Spirit, Moon, Art, Judgement, Wisdom. A laughing figure with an eel body wearing a headdress with a lunar disk

Sacred Symbol: The Crescent Moon, a Pen and Parchment. Scales

Thyrsos the Wild Lover

Walks upon the land as a young man or young woman

Sacred Symbol: A fruitful cornucopia

Oecleus the One-Eyed

The Spirit of Storms at Sea, occasionally travels among mortals as a One-eyed Sailor

Sacred Symbol: Eye with horizontal pupil 

Soiagisone the Shaker

The God of finality, death, and war-waging. A naked, flayed man. 

Sacred Symbol: A broken sword or weapon

Mithrabarzane the Creation Fire

The Goddess of Energy and Fire. Shifting delicate smoke of hearth fires, the little sparks, raging forest fires, the blacksmith's kiln.

Sacred Symbol: Yellow octagram

Iphianassa the Storm Horse

The Whirling Horse of Storms, the Wind, and Movement. A wild, blue mare whose hooves cause thunder, whose stride moves the wind.

Sacred Symbol: Rearing blue horse

Pheres the Holder of the Firmament

The Divine Horizon, the Endless Sky. Bosom of Wernero, Mithrabarzanes, and Iphianassa, A peacemaker.

Sacred Symbol: A circle, half yellow, half grey

Protagoras the Vexing Chaos, the Ill-Ordered, the Upturner

One who occludes, a trickster, deceitful. Roiling, seeks to upturn established order. A wise spider, a shape-shifting dog, a messenger, a talking bird.

Sacred Symbol: Knots of rope, the spider’s web, a cawing raven

What were the Wars?

Dragon War

When the Dragons were hunted by man and killed.

Troll War

When the Trolls descended across the Wilderness like a plague.

Weird War

When the Ethereal & Astral Planes briefly merged with the Material Plane.

Wizard War

When the Magi Principalities went to war with each other.

What are the Orc Tribes?

All have skin like a sour green apple. Their touch heals plants; from their blood bloom verdant fields.

Helmbane

• Canine slobbering
• Stinking furs and leathers
• Piercings and scare

Shakklewort

• Retractable claws
• Stinking furs and leathers
• Gold and silver trinkets

Loddug

• Withered & bent
• Metal armor, light and strong
• Feathered cloaks

Borodurb

• Ritual facial scars
• Metal armor, light and strong
• Grisly trophies

Stabthukk

• Porcine ears and nose
• Dyed cloth
• Brightly colored paint

Urk Nozbreg

• Cracked yellow tusks
• Plates of bone and chitin
• Glass beads and gems

Why can Elves speak to Orcs, Hobgoblins, and Gnolls?

The Orcs exist in the Verdant, where the Land of Snow, Frost, and Ice is rebuffed; such eons of conflict have made each side knowledgeable in their enemy.

The Hobgoblins, wiser, seek the creation fire of combustion and industry. The Elves' entropy stymies the promethean energies.  

Dogs who have eaten the corpses of Elves. The souls they consume stay inside the dog, becoming a Gnoll.

Why are Elves impervious to Ghoul Paralysis?

The chilling touch of Ghouls does not affect the Elves from the Land of Snow, Frost, and Ice who are used to such stasis.

Why can Dwarves speak to Kobolds, Goblins, and Gnomes?

The slithering snake, an extrasolarian fungus, and the honored dead, reborn, rest and reside within the loamy soil and bog that birthed the Dwarf. Being of the same elements, they all know the Mother Tongue that underpins their unique speech.

What are Halflings?

When the Wilderness was first met, the Small People of the Woods were found.

They hid and made their homes within the woods because of the giant hawks, rocs, and hippogriffs that swooped down, carrying them off as prey.

The Hunting Maiden, Simetra, taught them how to use bows, javelins, and slings. Her favored weapons.

They learned to fend off the giant flying creatures as well as giants, ogres, orcs, and things larger than themselves.

Their hunting and tracking traditions have remained.

Why are there Robots and Androids Present?

Remnants of the Wizard Wars, imbued with the animating creation fire of Mithrabarzane, a metallic body¹ possessing a semblance of a mind.

What does Alignment necessarily mean?

Alignment is presented within the ODnD rules without context; simply Law, Neutral, Chaos.

The subtext is an implied morality or some sort of ontological axis in which the Wilderness, an unknown liminal space for the players², is oriented.

The creature list presents this ternary orientation as a sliding scale for some; werewolves can be Lawful, Neutral, even Chaos, whereas Elves are only Lawful or Neutral, Orcs can be Neutral. Treants aren’t Neutral, only Lawful, whereas Dryads are simply Neutral³.

Though it's clear Chaos is favored towards Death and the Undead.

Avenues of alignment are limited for some, open for others, closed for others.

But again, what does Alignment mean?

• Is Law attempting to impose “Life or Expansion” upon the liminal space of Wilderness?
• Is Neutral simply allowing the Wilderness “to simply be, without intervention”?
• Is Chaos opposed to the imposition of “Expansion or Life” in favor of “Death or Entropy”?

Clues may be found in the language of such spells like: Protection from Evil, Detect Evil, Dispel Evil, Cure Wounds, Turn Undead, Raise Dead

Whereas ‘Anti-Clerics” can reverse these life-giving and healing spells with Cause Wounds, Protection from Good, Dispel Good, Finger of Death, et al.

Perhaps a simpler, less morally prescriptive alignment orientation would be thus

Now assuming the above alignment axis and following the pantheon outlined, the alignment of gods would follow thusly.

Life & Expansion

1. Simetra the Mother of Animals
2. Mithrabarzane the Creation Fire

Without Intervention

1. Wernero the Scribe & Record Keeper
2. Thrysos the Wild Lover
3. Oecleus the One-Eyed
4. Iphianassa the Storm Horse
5. Pheres the Holder of the Firmament

Death & Entropy

1. Soiagsione the Shaker
2. Protagoras the Upturner

What are Alignment Languages?

The direct source codes of creation and death, or a melding of both in the case of “without intervention”.

Alignment Languages possess no true alphabet, syntax, or vocabulary. Glossolalia from physically channeling the ontological axis of the universe.

Wizards, Clerics, “Anti-Clerics”, Sentient Weapons, or Extraplanar Entities “invoke” these languages directly⁴.

To unaligned listeners, Alignment Language sounds like overwhelming, terrifying static.

To listeners of the same Alignment, the sound bypasses the ear and translates into the brain as pure intent

One cannot lie in an Alignment Language, because of its raw source codes; deceit is impossible. One’s intent is translated flawlessly across the same alignment.

The Tongue of the Firmament sounds like cracking trees, the call of hundreds of beasts, the howl of storms, and rushing water.

The Tongue of Life sounds like ringing anvils, heat, polyphonic choral harmony, the pen scribbling across parchment.

The Tongue of Death sounds like tearing meat, grinding stones, discordant whispers, and shadow recoiling violently.

What is a Sentient Weapon and Why Does It Have Alignment?

Swords (and other magical weapons) are imbued with animating energies derived by Mithrabazanes, the soul and psyche, what in ancient Egyptian metaphysics would call the “ka” and “ba” of a person or a non-human intelligence (a demon, an angel, or some other entity entirely)⁵.

More specifically, warhammers are imbued with exalted essences of Dwarven heroes. Their intelligences carved into the weapons to continue to defend against the Giants⁶ who have fed upon them for centuries.

This imbuing of spirit and soul within a weapon can only be accomplished by a Wizard⁷.

Because of this imbuing of soul and psyche into the weapon, the weapon possesses shadows of memory and exerts Alignment influence upon the weapon holder, so powerful is the magic and imbued intelligence that it changes the ontological nature of the weapon holder⁸.

It is because of this fact that magic weapons will speak in their Alignment language over any other, additionally known languages⁹.

Why are there Dinosaurs?

Dinosaurs can only be found in the Great Fenland of Arexus.

Some brave knights are known to ride them as mounts. Fetching high prices at market.

Scholars and Wizards think them to be related to dragons in some fashion.

Image: Nathaniel Hawthorne’s Tanglewood Tales, illustrated by Virginia Frances Sterrett (1921)

#ultra-vanilla-fantasy